Joined: Jan. 2006
Ahhhh manly topics! Hot sauce.
Yeah we get (or rather got) Dave's Insanity Sauce over here in specialist shops, it's mad. I found a hotter one once called "Dan T's Inferno White Hot Insanity Sauce" that had been chemically enhanced. It was silly.
My wife's family are Indian, and as such not strangers to the odd bit of hot food. I was throwing a barbeque one day and one of her older turban wearing PROPER Indian relatives (her uncle ~65 at the time, none of this born in England type Indian!) asked me for some hot sauce for his food. Now being a hot sauce lover I provided him with a selection including all the usual suspects, but I left this one at the back of the cupboard, it's practically inedible on its own.
The uncle spots this, having dismissed mere Tabasco and its colleagues as poofy froo froo hot sauces not suitable for a real Indian man of massive maleness etc, and reached for the Dan T's. I warned him that this was a baaaaaaaaad idea, I tried to persuade him to use something else and obviously he got all huffy and macho about it so I let him use it. He pours about 2 tablespoons worth onto the side of his plate and proceeds to roll his chicken drumstick in it like it was ketchup. I should point out that people nearby were complaining that their eyes were watering as he did this, this stuff is pokey. He bit into the chicken drumstick and there was no time for any of this "Ahhh it's not that hot" nonsense we men do with stupidly hot food because the second it touched his lips they swelled up like balloons. He was dribbling uncontrollably, snot and tears and drool everywhere, he was gasping for breath in a genuinely frightening manner. I honestly thought I'd killed the old buffer. Eventually we got him sorted out, but it took about 45 minutes before he was breathing normally and even slightly comfortable.
Oh perhaps I should point out that this is a man who I have seen eat a wine glass. No word of exaggeration, he was in the Indian Special Forces and one of their initiation drills was to eat a proper glass wine glass. I mean getting a wine glass, biting off bits and crunching them up and swallowing. I thought this would kill him when I saw him do it, but apparently not, loads of them do it. My point is where broken glass failed, Dan T's sauce damn near succeeded!
I will provide one last piece of advice for hot food lovers, come to the UK and I'll take you out for a Meat Phall. Never specify the meat, it spoils half the fun. A Phall is hotter than a Tindaloo or Vindaloo and is inedible. Vindaloo is stupid enough if made right, Phall is bloody ridiculous.