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J-Dog



Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: May 09 2007,14:23   

From the Brushback:

http://thebrushback.com/theory_full.htm

Experts Abandon Theory Of Intelligent Design After Watching Ultimate Fighting Championship

May 8, 2007 Volume 2 Issue 94

SEATTLE--Members of The Discovery Institute, a Seattle based think tank, publicly rescinded their demands that intelligent design be taught in public schools after watching an Ultimate Fighting “best knockouts” compilation video Monday night. The video, which depicted wild men viciously attacking one another before a crowd of bloodthirsty spectators, provided “the smoking gun ” that man is descended from apes.

“It is with great regret that we abandon our quest to have the theory of intelligent design taught in public schools,” said Bruce Chapman, president of the Discovery Institute. “We are now convinced that Charles Darwin was right and we are just a bunch of hairless apes. We came to this conclusion after watching some Ultimate Fighting. Those men are subhuman brutes. The violence was unremitting. What's worse, we thought it was extremely entertaining, which doesn’t bode well for us, either.”

Chapman said he was “horrified” by the “sheer animal brutality” of the fighters, who fought in cages like dogs.

“These fighters seemed bent on killing each other,” said Chapman. “I was reminded of the scene at the beginning of 2001 when one ape beat another with a bone, and a crowd of apes stood around howling and cheering. I remember thinking while watching that how absurd it was that we could be descended from such beasts. Now, I kind of admire those apes. At least they weren’t charging admission.”

Chapman viewed the fights at the urging of a colleague at the Discovery Institute, who was “deeply disturbed” by the UFC after watching footage of it himself.

“I told Bruce about it the minute I saw it,” said Steven Alberg. “It was obviously very traumatic for me on both a personal and spiritual level. These men fought nearly to death, and when one was declared the winner he turned and faced the crowd, his eyes rolling in the back of his head, and unleashed an inhuman, guttural roar. All he needed was a club and he would have made a very convincing cave man. Anyway, I'll probably catch a couple matches this summer. ”

In response, the Discovery Institute has embarked on a campaign to redefine the term “intelligent design.” The new definition will take the UFC into consideration, mention it by name, and purport that “some kind of supreme being created some microorganisms that eventually evolved into apes, which apparently evolved into humans, and that's that.”

“We’ve boiled it down to the belief that somebody created something and set the whole thing into motion,” said Chapman. “After that, it was a big crap shoot. It’s hard to believe, but the debate has been put to rest. We’ve found the smoking gun.”

UFC officials were outraged that they were being compared to apes, and implored Chapman and his think tank to learn more about the sport before making such a harsh judgment.

Fighter Tito Ortiz, a former champion, referred to the style of fighting as “mixed martial arts,” which requires both physical strength and sound strategy.

“These people are idiots,” said Ortiz. “They know nothing about mixed martial arts. This is a legitimate sport. Only the most physically and mentally tough athletes can partake in it. It requires years of training and preparation. The fact that it’s a little bloody is, frankly, one of the best parts. It’s more raw. It’s more…raw. Anyway, those intelligent design people should come down and talk to me. I think once they get the facts they’ll change their stance. At least I hope so. See, I believe in intelligent design, and I would feel awfully bad if the whole theory went to shit because of me.”

Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.

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Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Richardthughes



Posts: 10756
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 23 2007,20:08   

"Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news."


You might want to just do the first paragraph and a link?

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"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
"...it was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 23 2007,21:51   

Quote (Richardthughes @ Oct. 23 2007,20:08)
"Copyright 2007, The Brushback - Do not reprint without permission. This article is satire and is not intended as actual news."


You might want to just do the first paragraph and a link?

Richard - I emailed them and got permission before I posted.  I swear to the Intelligent Designer!  

J-D

(Really!)  PM me if you want.  The guy is cool, and I have emailed him before about using other stories, like the "English Rugby Match Temporarily Stopped for Dead Body".

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Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 24 2007,04:42   

Quote (J-Dog @ Oct. 24 2007,03:51)
(Really!)  PM me if you want.  The guy is cool, and I have emailed him before about using other stories, like the "English Rugby Match Temporarily Stopped for Dead Body".

I call shennanigans!

No rugby match has ever been stopped for something so trivial as a dead body.

Louis

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Bye.

  
olegt



Posts: 1405
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,11:02   

DI's is its own best P-A-R-O-D-Y evah!  Check out this announcement of a
super-duper-secret-insider gathering of IDers in Seattle last August. Tasty tidbits follow:

3rd Annual Discovery Society Insiders Briefing on Intelligent Design
August 10-11, 2007

Discovery Society Members are invited to attend the Third Annual Insiders Briefing on Intelligent Design - the nation's foremost gathering of intelligent design scientists, scholars and theorists. :O (What the hell is the difference?  Are some of them both scholars AND theorists?)

After enjoying a sumptuous meal with Seattle's picturesque Lake Union as a backdrop, Dr. John West and Attorney Casey Luskin will introduce you to a panel of courageous scientists who have persevered in their research and development of intelligent design theory.  :O (No word whether the attendees will get to enjoy the sumptuous meal.)

To cap off the evening, Society members will experience a short, exclusive film preview for insiders only. :O (No doubt the Designer was caught on tape.)

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J-Dog



Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,11:29   

Thank you olgt!  

From the DI Press Release - " There's nothing more beautiful than Seattle in the summer!"

WTF???!~!!

This single sentence by the DI explains a lot.

--------------
Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Richardthughes



Posts: 10756
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,11:35   

Quote (J-Dog @ Oct. 26 2007,11:29)
Thank you olgt!  

From the DI Press Release - " There's nothing more beautiful than Seattle in the summer!"

WTF???!~!!

This single sentence by the DI explains a lot.

The meal will be a disappointment. They have a recipes, but wont name the chef, have no kitchen and no ingredients. Waitstaff will be flagellum powered, though.

--------------
"Richardthughes, you magnificent bastard, I stand in awe of you..." : Arden Chatfield
"You magnificent bastard! " : Louis
"ATBC poster child", "I have to agree with Rich.." : DaveTard
"I bow to your superior skills" : deadman_932
"...it was Richardthughes making me lie in bed.." : Kristine

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,12:50   

Quote (Richardthughes @ Oct. 26 2007,11:35)
Quote (J-Dog @ Oct. 26 2007,11:29)
Thank you olgt!  

From the DI Press Release - " There's nothing more beautiful than Seattle in the summer!"

WTF???!~!!

This single sentence by the DI explains a lot.

The meal will be a disappointment. They have a recipes, but wont name the chef, have no kitchen and no ingredients. Waitstaff will be flagellum powered, though.

You know, this could be a hell of a diet.  After listening to all the IDers talk, you probably lose both your dinner and cut down on your future appetite.  

And if Denyse could be coaxed to sit at your table it could even lead to loss of all future appetite.   She is what we used to call a "double bagger", but if I could quote noted philosopher DaveScot, "If I had a dog that ugly I would shave it's ass and teach it to walk backward".

No telling what impact a Densye Lecture on "How To Write Well By People That Don't Write So Good"  would have on one's future will to live however.

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Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
Mister DNA



Posts: 466
Joined: June 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:23   

Quote (olegt @ Oct. 26 2007,11:02)
To cap off the evening, Society members will experience a short, exclusive film preview for insiders only. :O (No doubt the Designer was caught on tape.)

I'm guessing it was the Director's Cut of The Judge Jones School of Law.

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CBEB's: The Church Burnin' Ebola Blog
Thank you, Dr. Dembski. You are without peer when it comes to The Argument Regarding Design. - vesf

    
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:27   

Quote (J-Dog @ Oct. 26 2007,17:29)
Thank you olgt!  

From the DI Press Release - " There's nothing more beautiful than Seattle in the summer!"

WTF???!~!!

This single sentence by the DI explains a lot.

Bullshit! My wife's boobies are vastly more beautiful than Seattle in the summer.

Louis

P.S. Any requests for photographs for comparison will be met with derisive laughter and scorn.

--------------
Bye.

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:29   

Quote (Mister DNA @ Oct. 26 2007,19:23)
Quote (olegt @ Oct. 26 2007,11:02)
To cap off the evening, Society members will experience a short, exclusive film preview for insiders only. :O (No doubt the Designer was caught on tape.)

I'm guessing it was the Director's Cut of The Judge Jones School of Law.

Is that the one where Dembski and Behe are lying under a glass coffee table whilst Denyse and DaveScot squa....

Ok, I've just disgusted myself.

Not good.

Louis

--------------
Bye.

  
Mister DNA



Posts: 466
Joined: June 2007

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:35   

Quote (Louis @ Oct. 26 2007,13:29)
Quote (Mister DNA @ Oct. 26 2007,19:23)
Quote (olegt @ Oct. 26 2007,11:02)
To cap off the evening, Society members will experience a short, exclusive film preview for insiders only. :O (No doubt the Designer was caught on tape.)

I'm guessing it was the Director's Cut of The Judge Jones School of Law.

Is that the one where Dembski and Behe are lying under a glass coffee table whilst Denyse and DaveScot squa....

Ok, I've just disgusted myself.

Not good.

Louis

You were gonna say "square dance", right?

That is disgusting.

--------------
CBEB's: The Church Burnin' Ebola Blog
Thank you, Dr. Dembski. You are without peer when it comes to The Argument Regarding Design. - vesf

    
JohnW



Posts: 2767
Joined: Aug. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:38   

Quote (olegt @ Oct. 26 2007,09:02)
3rd Annual Discovery Society Insiders Briefing on Intelligent Design
August 10-11, 2007

Insiders?  Given the recent redesign of the DI masthead, the obvious question is "Inside what?"

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Math is just a language of reality. Its a waste of time to know it. - Robert Byers

There isn't any probability that the letter d is in the word "mathematics"...  The correct answer would be "not even 0" - JoeG

  
J-Dog



Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Oct. 26 2007,13:50   

Quote (JohnW @ Oct. 26 2007,13:38)
Quote (olegt @ Oct. 26 2007,09:02)
3rd Annual Discovery Society Insiders Briefing on Intelligent Design
August 10-11, 2007

Insiders?  Given the recent redesign of the DI masthead, the obvious question is "Inside what?"

Good catch!  So to speak.

--------------
Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10

Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08

UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11

  
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