The Unofficial University of Ediacara Pages

The official home page of the University of Ediacara.

The University of Ediacara is the virtual university serving the community. One of the main offshoots of the UoE is its virtual pub, the Panda's Thumb.

The Origins of an Institution

From source file
Article 50239 of
From: (Chris Heiny)
Subject: Re: Credentials of Talk.Origins
Organization: Xerox Corporation, Webster NY
Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1993 12:29:59 GMT
Lines: 47

Credentials, credentials, erm, arm, um, lessee.

Well, I'm a Chris. Seems like Chris's on t.o are like Australian
Philosophers named Bruce. Anyone want to come up with a Evolutionists Song?
Should we found the University of Ediacara, to go along with the
U of Wallamalloo?

I've got a pile of books on geology, paleaontology and evolution.
Don't know how many total, but there's enough to warrant a big
chunk of the library all to themselves (we've got a LOT of books
at our house - they occupy most of the largest room, plus part
of another room). I've also got books Velikovskian and Creationist,
and yes, they get filed with the geo/paleo/evo books. I can
also usually cite books by title at least, rather than description
(for instance, I can refer to "Vertebrate Palaeontology and
Evolution" by name rather than as "The Big Grey Book About Bones").

I'm an ordained minister (Church of Gospel Ministry).

Oh, you want something with more substance?

BS Computer Science, Michigan Technological University, 82.
(would have had a minor in Historical Geology,
if MTU recognized minors)

I've read all those books. Historical geology and vertebrate
paleontology/evolution are, well, my wife calls them passions.

I don't let my personal religious beliefs interfere with being
an ordained minister. Ok, ok, so it's mail order, BUT I am
still legally qualified to perform marriages, baptize babies,
and administer extreme unction, all of which I have done to
the total satisfaction of all participants.

Got to run...


Original Faculty List and Faculty Rules

Article 9819 of
From: (Seanna Watson)
Subject: University of Ediacara (was Credentials)
Organization: Bell-Northern Research, Ottawa, Canada
Date: Wed, 13 Oct 1993 02:17:58 GMT
Lines: 184

Last week, someone commented that Chrisses on t.o were as common as
Australian philosophers named Bruce. We counted, and found no fewer
than 6 *real* Chrisses (and countless wannabees). We were inspired
(or was it too much turkey and pumpkin pie from the Canadian Thanks-
giving celebration this past weekend?) to produce the following:

University of Ediacara
Faculty Listing

Name/Title Current Research Area & Publications
========== ====================================

Chris Colby, Dean Genetic drift of _saccharomyces_ sp.
Professor of Evolutionary Biology in starch-rich cultures.

Chris Stassen,
Professor of Geology

Chris Nedin, Professor of Very Old
Formerly Soft & Squidgy Things

Chris Heiny
Professor of Bizarre Theories

Chris Malcolm
Professor of Bicycling

Chris Ho-Stuart
Not Professor of Marine Biology

Chris Acker Laminar flood theory
Professor of Oceanography

Warren Kris vonRoeschlaub Analysis of Ice Cores from Ste
Professor of Mathematical Theology Jovite, Canada.

Chris Isaak
Professor of Computational Entomology

Chris Huston Exhaustive concordance for the
Professor of Primatology complete works of S.J.(Chris) Gould

Chris Derrick
Professor of Taoism and TAEism

Bruce Lippard Name disambiguation among homogeneous
Professor of Philosophy groups in academe

Chris Harter, Professor of Formulation of systems of logic which
Atheistic Creationism initially make perfect sense, but turn
out to be complete nonsense

Chris Lecointe, Professor of
Obfuscatory Analysis

Chris Schaffner "Something Rotten in the State of
Professor of Quantum Literature Denmark: Shakespearean Quantum
Mechanics vs the Copenhagen

Chris Seimon, Erudite Professor of
Evolutionary Hermeneutics

Chris Matheson
Professor of Forrest-ry

Chris Keck
(not a Professor, but plays
one on t.o)

Chris Johnson
Professor of Creation Legalism

Chris Meritt, Professor Emerrritttus of } Investigation into maximum length
Invective and Sarcasm } of posting capable of being handled
} by the UseNet.
Chris Bales, Professor of } (joint project)
Alternative Natural History }

Chris B. Dehner, Professor of
Uniformitarian Astrophysics

Chris Holden, Adjunct Professor of "Catastrophism in software engineering:
Velikovskian Astrophysics a critique of the ADA language"

Chris T(i)un, Disjunct Professor of
Non-Sequiturs & Anachronisms

Chris Bishop
Professor of Equine Evolution

Chris Salem, Professor of EE
(Engineering Evolution)

Chris Hamilton
Professor of Vehicular Evolution

Chris Dudey
Professor of the Golden Parentheses

Dr Chris Pepper
Professor of Persistent Questions Searching for the Theory of Creationism

Chris DeadDog, Professor of
Floor Sweeping

S. Chris Watson, Professor of }
Object-Oriented Evolution } Selective breeding to produce
} a smaller, noisier type of
S. Chris Watson, Professor of } of Homo Sapiens.
Very Large Scale Evolution } (joint project)

The Rules

RULE #2: I don't want to catch anybody NOT posting during working hours!
RULE #4: No abusing the newbies (at least while anyone is watching).
RULE #6 (Theory of Creation): There is no Theory of Creation!
RULE #8: All S.J. (Chris) Gould quotes must be cleared through Prof. Huston

(Note: In contravention of the Rules, the University was forced to hire
Profs. Bales, Lecointe, Harter (!?) and T(i)un under the "Equal Time in
Education" provisions of local Affirmative Action statutes.)

The University does, of course, grant degrees up to the doctoral level,
by mail-order. If you send $100 to the Registrar (email only; no cash,
cheques or credit cards accepted), you will receive a handsome diploma
suitable for framing and hanging on the wall (perhaps in the smallest
room of your house), just as soon as we can figure out what colour(s)
it should be.

The Song

We are evilutionists;
Our emblem is the fossil.
We like to get in arguments,
And rant as much as possible.
Punk! Eek! Punk! Eek! Punk! Eek!

Associate Professors
Chris Kettenring
Chris Friesen
Chriswell Ashlock
Chris Vickers
Chris Scharle
Chris J. Bradley
Chris Rice
Chris Henling
L. Chris Davis
Chris Ikeda
Chris Sand
Chris Solovay
Chris Elsberry
Chris Livesey
Chris Shafto
Chris Knapp
Chris Z. Lerner
Chris "Justified And Ancient" Cochran
Chris Trott
Kris Kluge
Chris Hunt

[If anyone feels slighted at being left out, denied a full professorship,
or having their research project overlooked, enlighten us by email--we
also give tenure by mail-order (no $100 fee required; no saleshuman will

Steve Watson a.k.a. === Carleton University, Ontario
this->opinion = My.opinion; assert (this->opinion != CarletonU.opinion);
Seanna Watson Bell-Northern Research, | My opinions only.
( Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | I knew I'd left them somewhere.

Rah! Rah! Rah! Go, U of Ediacara!

Article 11610 of
From: (Chris Heiny)
Subject: Re: rah! rah! rah!!! Go U of Ediacara!
Organization: Xerox Corporation, Webster NY
Date: Sat, 6 Nov 1993 04:01:37 GMT
Lines: 44

Well, maybe I'm working just a little bit too late in the day, but
various topics relating to the University of Ediacara have started
floating through my head. Steve Watson's latest post has triggered
a compulsion in me to unload these hopeful monsters on the unsuspecting
t.o populace...

First and foremost, the University of Ediacara needs a team name/mascot.
I propose the "Anomolocarids" - anomolocaris being the first really
nifty predator. At halftime during football games, rugby matches,
barroom brawls, debates and other full contact sporting events, the
cheerleading squad could carry a giant size Anomolocaris about the
field (much like a chinese dragon procession on chinese new year).

We need a couple of school colors. Chlorophyll green goes without
saying, and I think a really nice rich lager amber color would be
a good match for it.

My current projects (for Steve and Seanna's faculty list) are
research into Gravitationism and Simulationism (two different
and extemely intriguing theories).

Our color printer should be coming online soon - perhaps we need to
issue nice certificates to all the faculty members, with a lot of
fancy words in a nice dignified font. Should these be
doctorates? faculty membership diplomas? certificates of "Chris"ness?

Somewhat related to the previous, I think some of the real Ediacara
Fauna would make a really nice seal for the U, if I colored it red
and put its Genus & species on a little banner type label below it.
Anyone have a nice bitmap of one of these critters? (Chris N?)

Ah well - my brain is turning to mush, so it must be time to go home.