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  Topic: The 'English Garden Party', Polite discussion on topics of interest< Next Oldest | Next Newest >  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 13 2006,11:57   

Imagine a summers afternoon...


I have some guests....

All sorts of guests....


we all have our 'own' views .. but it's my party...

Tea, and cakes, and blissful late summer sunshine..

Blokes chatting, ladies talking, children playing....

Someone has 'provided' wonderful 'nibbles' - and the 'blokes ' know that later - they can go to the pub for a 'chat with the vicar'.


The Ladies laugh....

... all welcome;

anyone fancy a nice place where we can can 'listen' to those whose views we would otherwise mock?

All welcome - but no ruffians..

Any takers?

Carol? David? Larry? Ghost?

  
Alan Fox



Posts: 1391
Joined: Aug. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,03:30   

*pops head round garden gate*

Have I got the day wrong?

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,04:32   

Do come in old chap - cup of tea? cucumber sandwich?

  
Stephen Elliott



Posts: 1754
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,04:36   

OK. I am imagining a blissfull summers afternoon.
But it is still piggin chilly outside.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,05:07   

... and all the ladies in their floral frocks....

  
Stephen Elliott



Posts: 1754
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,05:50   

This is all very nice, but where's the bar?

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,06:40   

I'm sure the Reverend will pour you a glass of sherry if you ask nicely - Pimms later perhaps??

  
Stephen Elliott



Posts: 1754
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,07:05   

Pimms...An absolute gem as the base for a decent punch.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,09:01   

anyone for croquet?

  
Alan Fox



Posts: 1391
Joined: Aug. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,11:53   

Anyone fancy a spliff... Oh, sorry, didn't see you there, vicar.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,12:31   

'Herbal cigarettes' Mr Fox? - don't mind if I do...

  
sir_toejam



Posts: 846
Joined: April 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,13:15   

I say, Lionel, catch...



why do i think this is going to somehow become another version of Sam Peckinpah's "Salad Days"??

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/saladays.htm

cut to apology...

http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/apology1.htm

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 14 2006,23:22   

Sorry I'm a tad late, but little Lionel had hidden the bat behind the shed and it took me hours to find it.  The little devil's more of a Rooney than a Flintoff.

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 15 2006,13:05   

Just thought I'd let you chaps and chappesses know that the first of nine episodes of 'Ripping Yarns' is to be screened on BBC4 this Thursday at 8.30.

In the United Kingdom of course - am afraid our American cousins will have to check out the DVD on amazon.

More tea anyone?

  
Stephen Elliott



Posts: 1754
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 15 2006,13:41   

Dean,
Any news on tickets? ie When are you expecting them?

Got any beer old chap. Getting sick of the bucks fizz.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 15 2006,14:33   

Hi Steve,

tickets in the post (to me) old boy - thought I sent an e-mail to all to confirm? Mind you some of my e-mails have gone astray of late -

The blacksmith is dishing out his 'dead dog scrumpy' in the summer house I hear.....

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 15 2006,20:13   

ALGENON!  Put that back!

No! Where you got it from.  Yes.  On the table.


Um, sorry.  Where were we?

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Sheikh Mahandi



Posts: 47
Joined: May 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 16 2006,01:20   

Aaarrr Scrumpy - real zyder by crackey, aha and decent lager - snakebite anyone?.

My word - is that Dr Tony Hill, and Carol Jordan over there? What have you guys been up to?



:D

--------------
"Love is in the air, everywhere I look around,.....Love is in the air, every sight and every sound,......"

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 16 2006,03:20   

No thats' Prof Dawkins with his supermodel wife..

( OT - Another Dawkins webcast for 'Darwin day':

'Is evolution predictable':

http://www.uclan.ac.uk/psychology/bully/darwin/

.. also mentions that the local brewery is producing 'Evolution Ale' to mark the occasion!;)

I hear the Boy Scouts have just come back from that 'Fungus Foray' they went on last Autumn - they seem to have developed a new language on their trip..

Well boys will be boys.. youngsters eh?

  
Julie Stahlhut



Posts: 46
Joined: July 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,07:39   

I have all of Ripping Yarns on videotape. And the third and fourth seasons of A Bit of Fry and Laurie on DVD. I'll be glad to bring them to the party so that there'll be something to watch indoors in case of rain in the garden. (And make mine a gin and tonic. "Soupy Twist!")

As for offering an -- er, herbal smoke to the vicar: From where I'm standing, he seems to bear a distinct resemblance to the Rev. Dennis Sparrow. I don't think he'll be too shocked.


-- Julie

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,08:29   

Glad to see another lady has arrived to brighten up the company - now chaps - mind your manners - who's going to get Julie a 'Soupy Twist' ?

Would you care for a 'petit four' Julie?

  
Julie Stahlhut



Posts: 46
Joined: July 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,10:10   

A lay? Why, Dean, I'm shocked. I'm a married woman! :D

But milder vices are fine. I can't resist a good G&T. Nor petits fours. Nor reruns of "Sam Peckinpah's Salad Days!

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,12:22   

....sorry for that faux pas Julie! - I was more concerned with getting 'petits fours' right - gosh! what a fool  I am!

.. gone back to insert the missing letter - must be those herbal cigarettes

(Dr Sigmund, sitting in the corner has another amusing reason he tells me!;)

  
Julie Stahlhut



Posts: 46
Joined: July 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,15:34   

No offense taken, of course.  Especially not where an offering of petits fours is involved!

BTW, these virtual sweets and alcoholic beverages definitely have their advantages.  You can indulge all you want, not put on weight, and not have to line up a designated driver!

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 17 2006,23:33   

.. or worry about getting busted..

Oh Hello! Chief Constable .. would you like to try one of the the vicar's wife's rather remarkarkable cookies???

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 20 2006,22:40   

It was a bit quiet whilst the Chief Constable was here.  Do you think he's on to our ginger beer smuggling?

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 21 2006,00:19   

I think someone popped some absinthe into his trifle and he's too interested in the snakes climbing up the walls to notice....

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 21 2006,02:52   

Ah, that explains his kindly mood: we all know that absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 21 2006,12:45   

let's not worry over trifles...

  
sir_toejam



Posts: 846
Joined: April 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 21 2006,15:01   

did somebody say truffles?

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 22 2006,11:12   

The gamekeeper is out in the Beech wood with the poodles looking for some of those just now... I understand that he has 'Lady' that finds the odour rather invigourating....

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 24 2006,07:16   

Sorry I took so long, the jelly took age to set, and then I couldn't find the cream.

What? Ah, TRUFFLES??? You [CENSORED] son of [CENSORED]  and his flagellate [CENSORED]!  I won't be responsible for my actions....

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Russell



Posts: 1082
Joined: April 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 24 2006,07:24   

you guys need to design some sort of clickable Effete Brit-twit icon.

--------------
Must... not... scratch... mosquito bite.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 24 2006,08:08   

Don't know about an effete clickable icon - but how about an Avatar?

More of this kind here:

http://www.jumpstation.ca/recroom/comedy/python/twit.html

.. now if you don't mind I'll have to calm down an altercation between the brigadier and the schoolmistress - the brigadier is so insistant that its clotted cream first and strawberry jam on top in a 'Devonshire Cream tea'; whilst Miss Prendergast is blaspheming, and swearing that it's the other way around... ???

  
Henry J



Posts: 4565
Joined: Mar. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 24 2006,17:22   

If Ruffles have ridges, do truffles have tridges?

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 24 2006,23:24   

My! Henry..

.. I think you may be onto something there..

... now be a darling and get me a beer from the fruffle won't ya?

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 25 2006,00:31   

By Her Majesty's Sainted Bloomers,

Are we allowing colonials here Mr Morrison? I'm shocked and appalled. Appalled and shocked. I shall write to my Member of Parliament, you see if I don't.

It will be the convicts next, and then all #### will break loose. The women will probably even be given the vote or some such tommyrot.

Up the Empire, what!

Sir Percival Ignatius Biggott-Smythe

--------------
Bye.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 25 2006,06:13   

.. colonials indeed Sir Percy - but only the 'good types' you know - none of those ruffians that wear loud shouts and keep bumping into the furniture.

.. now shall I get you a napkin to wipe away that froth???

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 25 2006,07:48   

Splendid Mr Morrison, sir, splendid.

Now where did I leave my blunderbus?

I have noticed that we are significantly Bowdlerised here annot type things like #### or #### or #### or even ######## or #####.

Such shocking censorship! I propose that we take the path of the gentlemen of Viz magazine and invent new swearwords with the specific purpose of annoying the newsagent WHSmith. Words like "fitbin". Frankly it would ####### well amuse the #### out of any #### with a ####### sense of humour. They obviously need a good kick in the fitbin, whatever that might be!

Blinkety flip, that's what I say.

(Note to moderators, this is humour, honest!Not GOOD humour, but nonetheless humour)

--------------
Bye.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 25 2006,13:42   

Obviously a fan of 'Roger's Profanisaurus' then Percy what! eh!

Perhaps we can introduce our American cousins to the cutting edge of our delightful tounge?

Especially that knobcheese 'Ghost of Paley' - ha! ha!

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 25 2006,22:01   

Ah dear sweet Mr Mellie. Yes you could safely say I am a fan of his illustrious Profanisaurus.

It's the only thing worth paying 2 for Viz for.

I would agree with your assessment of that spectre, and further I would guess that he is a soap dodging palm pilot who does little else but muck about on the filth box downloading OAP+dwarf grumble.

Give my regards to the Major.

--------------
Bye.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 28 2006,15:14   

I wouldn't be at all suprised if he indulges in the oriental practices from time to time - seems to have an uncanny fascination for the blighters. Player of the Pink Oboe if you ask me.

Speaking of which - is that the Parson Bashing the Bishop?

  
Bob O'H



Posts: 2132
Joined: Oct. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 31 2006,07:00   

You know this old ID business?  Well, my brother was asking today whether Shane Warne was intelligently designed.  Eventually he decided that Warne couldn't be, because if the Aussies were to do some genetic engineering, they would add another mouth first, so they could drink two tinnies at a time.

I'm sure the vicar will be able to enlighten us as to what a "tinnie" is.

Bob

--------------
It is fun to dip into the various threads to watch cluelessness at work in the hands of the confident exponent. - Soapy Sam (so say we all)

   
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Jan. 31 2006,22:27   

The convicts have already tried that form of genetic engineering but only ended up talking out of the wrong orifice

Something went wrong in the lab when they found that after a 100 years they still couldn't get a culture...



- {if you think I'm being a little unfair - trust me I get shedloads of this type of thing back from my Aussie brother-in-law}

  
Louis



Posts: 6436
Joined: Jan. 2006

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 01 2006,02:15   

How to wind up Kangaroo Botherers and Septic Tanks 101:

1) Ask an Aussie (or even a Seppo, they never know the difference) if they are from Queensland. Whatever the answer reply "Listen mate, it's all the Queen's land."

2) When encountering either of the aforementioned colonials say "Welcome back.". If dealing with an Aussie you can add "Returning to the scene of the crime eh?".

Failing these suggestions one could always try something witty. ;)

Louis

--------------
Bye.

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 02 2006,08:35   

I'll definitely try those out! :D

In the meantime chaps and chappesses might be interested in a spiffing new UK counterpart to this site - which has the specific objective of keeping ID out of British Schools:

http://justscience.1.forumer.com/index.php?showtopic=2

Cucumber sandwich anyone?

  
Henry J



Posts: 4565
Joined: Mar. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 02 2006,16:48   

Re "Cucumber sandwich anyone?"

Those don't involve raw cucumbers, do they? If so then ew. (Those things aren't palatable until they've been pickled. :) )

Henry

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 02 2006,16:52   

..we're all busy getting pickled, let me assure you!

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 17 2006,15:44   

Few of us slipped orf for a swift beverage to toast that beardy boffin that adorns our tenners -



http://img235.imageshack.us/img235/5756/darwinday0221cn.jpg



Prof Dawkins showed up - though I suspect he's more of a fine wine drinker - met up with some Panda Prof that was over this side of the pond.



More pics of our Jolly Japes here:


http://justscience.1.forumer.com/index.p....try1066

  
sir_toejam



Posts: 846
Joined: April 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Feb. 17 2006,16:19   

What's all this then?

it appears I've already become 2-dimensional, and I haven't even had one yet!

I'll have another, barkeep; and keep 'em comin' till i say stop, or become trod underfoot...

If I'm to be plastered, i'll do it the right way before you tack me up on a wall somewheres...

by the by... I see Julie is a South Park denizen, but I can't quite make out what I am...

  
Dean Morrison



Posts: 216
Joined: Dec. 2005

(Permalink) Posted: Mar. 02 2006,16:40   

Mr Palin has just come orf one of his travels  - Ripping Yarns what hey!!!???

  
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