Joined: Aug. 2005
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicians at Whatsamata U. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass number of 312. These 312 particles are held together in the nucleus by meson-like particles called memos. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratum caused one reaction to take 4 days to complete when it would normally take 1 second. Administratum has a normal half life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actively decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons, and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that atomic mass number actually increases after reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratum occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to condense and concentrate at certain points such as governmental agencies and universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best-appointed, and best-maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratum is known to be toxic at any level of concentration, and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratum can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
If I fly the coop some time
And take nothing but a grip
With the few good books that really count
It's a necessary trip
I'll be gone with the girl in the gold silk jacket
The girl with the pearl-driller's hands