J-Dog
Posts: 4402
Joined: Dec. 2006
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| Quote (Amadan @ Aug. 20 2008,08:25) | Well, we started in San Francisco. Covered a lot of ground, including hanging out of cable-cars, cycling across the GG bridge, and touring Alcatraz. No Bigfoot, though I did notice quite a few very fit gentlemen with big moustaches. I took this as a divine signal that we were on the right track.
On to Monterey. There is a kind of paddling-zoo there they call an 'aquarium'. We saw lots of fish, some of which had Big Fins. The trail was getting stronger.
Yosemite and Sequoia National Parks nearly put us off the scent. These fiendishly clever diversions had Bigfoot-style features such as waterfalls (Bigfoot's shower, they would have us believe) and enormous wooden phallic symbols. However, a prominent feature named the Half-Dome is clearly a sarcastic reference to the intellectual capacity of run-of-the-mill Bigfoot hunters, and I deduced that we were being led astray. Damning all park rangers as unbelieving materialists, I left to reconsider our tactics.
This we did in the town of San Luis Obispo.Translated from the original Puerto Rican, that means 'Saint Looey Bishop'. And then it came to me: Of course! The name was a cryptic message, discernible only by Those With Eyes To See™. The real St. Louis is in Missouri, deep in the True Believing Heartland. Bishops are a pagan, idolatrous, Mary-worshipping Catholic abomination. The message was clear: get away from the liberal coast or be damned forever along with the Romanists. Asserting my God-given authority as master of the household, I loaded the bags into the car just before my wife told me to.
We drove to the deeply religious city of Las Vegas. Oh Praise! It was a wonder to see the faithful so selflessly giving of their worldly goods, even without a televangelist to egg them on. I was taken aback to see so many people using playing cards, but then I recalled that they too serve the Lord's purpose. Others made their love-offerings through strange machines with flashing lights and whirling symbols that seemed positively satanic. However, I discovered that the machines were called 'SLOTS', clearly as reference to the Second Law of Thermodynamicus (the famous emperor who banned Evolution). Now as every televangelist knows, material wealth is a sign of divine favour, but in their zeal to demonstrate how hard it is to pass through the eye of a needle, these folks had taken it to extremes. I have never in my life seen sheer corpulence in such an amount or on such a scale. With so many Bag-like Bras, Bulging Bellies and Behemoth Backsides, I knew Bigfoot could not be far away.
The Grand Canyon proved to me that we were on the right path. Only a monstrous creature could have gouged such a cavity in the Earth's surface, even if the ground had been softened by the Flood. I explained this in great detail to others there. Inspired by my message, they suggested that I go to Hell, presumably to continue my research. Not sure how to get there, it occured to me that Hollywood is the source of nearly all the evil in this Christian Nation, so I betook myself to Los Angeles.
It took me three days, scouring the Godless wastes of Los Angeles but, sustained by my faith, I eventually found him.
Keep going!
Bigfoot!
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- POTW - - EXCELLENT TRAVELOGUE TARDELOGUE!
Sorry about the shouting, but your post was great, and it looks like you had a great time. I'm looking forward to searching the North Antrim coast for Bigfoot in the next couple of years.
Then the shoe will be on the other hand...
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Come on Tough Guy, do the little dance of ID impotence you do so well. - Louis to Joe G 2/10
Gullibility is not a virtue - Quidam on Dembski's belief in the Bible Code Faith Healers & ID 7/08
UD is an Unnatural Douchemagnet. - richardthughes 7/11
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